It is very seldom when we don’t question our actions and it is even rare when we do not see ourselves from someone else’s eyes leading to self-doubt and criticism.
Midlife is nowhere an easy journey and being a part of the ‘adulthood’, it makes it even more difficult to vent out the frustration or just plain cry because tears are for children or the weak. Thank you irrelevant societal norms! This, in turn, paves a path for the closed loop of emotions and that becomes a vicious cycle, especially in their mid-lives who have responsibilities and priorities.
What one can do is turn a blind eye to the judging parameters and focus on healing by de-cluttering oneself and taking out the trash. When the trash bin fills up, we look for a place to dump the trash, and sometimes if people allow us, we even dump it onto them. We may not have the power to control everything around us, but we do have a choice and that choice is responding proactively. So, when someone wants to dump it on you, don’t take it personally. Just smile, pray for their well- being and move on. Don’t let the garbage spread to your work, family, and friends. That being said, there are times when things blow out of proportion and there’s an upheaval of emotions. At such times, we need to take conscious efforts to refocus on what’s important in our lives.
While we are showering love and affection to people around us, our children, our family, and friends, we often miss the step to self-love and inculcate a rather critical front for ourselves. Don’t let this weigh you down and make you feel limited. There is a difference between how we truly are and how we see ourselves. These blockages stem from our past experiences and circumstances, sometimes even due to our genes. Understand the problem at hand and see the tools that are there to help you nip the problem in the bud.
Do not avoid the problem. The danger signs are always there, what one needs to do, is respond amongst the pile of responsibilities that we have set upon ourselves, for others, which might be ironic. As the old saying goes – “Take care of yourself to take care of others”. This is especially valid for those who believe self-care is selfish. This is one way to ease your unnecessary conscience and work for yourself.
Another thing that helps take the message across is self-talk. Never underestimate the power of good self-talk. Our self-talk, the internal dialogue that we have with ourselves starts developing in our childhood which we often let go of as we pave into adulthood. We can break the steps to understand, analyze and act upon the trash that is inside us while attending to the existing daily chores.
However, much before the analysis, it is the essence of intent that will row your boat. Till there is no intent to grow, nothing can change. Say this to yourself multiple times in the day, “I intend to release this pain/worry/grief from my body right away. I know I’ll be fine and happier without it.” Confront those painful experiences and emotions. Each time you feel uneasy, don’t ignore the feeling. Don’t be in denial.
It always pays to accept the emotions and not abandon them. Accept fully that it is a part of you NOW. Next step is to take action. Ask yourself, “What is it trying to tell me?” You may not get an answer immediately but give yourself some time to experience the emotion. Visualize a life free from these blockages. Recall the emotion that is bothering you. Play every scene well in your mind. Visualization meditation is a very powerful technique to stop this unhealthy emotional processing.
Put it down on paper. Keep writing, keep writing and don’t think. Let the words flow naturally. Tear this paper into the smallest of pieces and burn it to ashes. It no longer lives inside you.
Blow a balloon while putting in all your negative thoughts, things that caused pain hurt and resentment. The only rule is you need to blow till the balloon bursts on its own.
Practice assertive communication. Learn to say no without explaining yourself.
Practice mindfulness by observing your thoughts and emotions and not being in them. There’s a difference between, ‘I am irritated right now’ and “I am irritated’. Mindfulness helps us to separate ourselves from our thoughts and emotions.
Remember, ten percent of life is how you make it, the other ninety percent is how you take it. It only makes sense to love the people who treat us right and pray for the ones who don’t”.